Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Some news you recieve is absolutely depressing, however it doesn't depress you. They have been telling us my sister has been getting worse and worse and then better and now she has a tumor just as malignant as the last. When I first found out I cried for days. In fact the first year all I could imagine was the depression, my family is so depressed and angry. This is all that I could see coming from this horrible circumstance. Then something clicked. Lately I have been practicing thinking in "the now". Sounds ridiculous, but for someone who is constantly pondering and contemplating life in all its horrors and wonders, this was the best thing that has ever happened. Whenever something crosses my mind that has no effect on what i am doing right now, I let it go. It doesn't matter right now. After practicing this for weeks I have found myself happier than I have ever been in my life. I have fun every single day. Before I learned this technique I could not imagine a day in my life when I was not stressed or angry. Now its like a huge weight has been lifted from me. So I take a look at this circumstance with my sister. The best friend I have ever had, my companion through out my entire life and I do not feel depressed. I do not feel angry. I feel motivated. Motivated to feel better in myself. Motivated to be happy and live a normal healthy life. Give my daughters the life they deserve and the love no one else could ever give them. Thats what she wants too. I think that through me, and my vibes and my happy spirit, she may be able to find peace and happiness too in my presence. She loves my daughters like her own. There is nothing more I can give her than being happy, joyful peaceful and being able to share it with her.